lucky, lucky, you're so lucky!

Before I read my article about interpersonal conflict, I had a moment of intrapersonal conflict. This is because I'm not in English class right now, where I should be. But I didn't do anything over the weekend, so I'm catching up now, plus I had to clean my room because we've got clean checks tonight and I won't be getting home until late. So now I've got things going on from 10:15 until like nine tonight instead of a 12 hour shift (nine-to-nine). Horray.

Anyway, I read (actually, am reading...) this article called Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication. This article hits on some very good points. For instance, in one of my other classes, we were discussing how conflict really is necessary for relationships to get stronger. Bonds are strengthened by overcoming conflict, by learning how to deal with it. It is the resolution of a conflict, and the means by which that resolution is achieved, that will help determine the success of a relationship.

A main component in dealing with conflict is the way in which it is faced; avoidance is a common thing that people do. It's a form of negative reinforcement. When you avoid what you perceive to be a stressor, your stress level decreases, and as such, you're likely to continue this course of avoidance in the future. This is an awful lot of effort after a while, though, all in order to avoid an action. And like Brother Adams has said, unexpressed feelings never die; they just mutate and pop up again later in uglier ways. Freud and other psychodynamic theorists have said something similar to this, but since this is communication and not psychology and I'm running late as it is, I won't go there. Other people get mad and blame others. This is useless; it's juvenile and gets both parties angry. Others see it as a competition, and this is also not good because they become concerned only with their own success, and measure their success based upon how much "better" than their opposition they believe themselves to be. Other people compromise (the lowest form of win/win) using manipulation, so essentially, they're still saying "my interests are more important than yours."

In order to resolve conflict most effectively, the solution must be reached mutually, people must be able to still feel valued afterward, and both parties should feel they've won, though not in the sense that they've defeated someone else.

There are several techniques defined that can be used in situations of interpersonal conflict, which include empathy and I-Statements. Another technique is called "stroking" wherein you find positive things to say to the other person. I think this can be a powerful tool because not only does the person you're conflicting with feel more respected (and hopefully therefore less defensive), but you begin to view them in a different light, not as your enemy--another child of God.

More later, sorry I've procrastinated.