isn't enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?

I hate Valentine's Day, or more specifically, Valentine's candy, or, actually, any candy, including swedish fish; I need to get into a sugar detox program, STAT, because I don't think I've ever felt this sick.

I am listening to the Arcade Fire right now ["Rebellion (Lies)"]. I think my roomate is singing but whisperingly because all I hear are the "s-es" and the "sh-es" and the "kuhs." So I am turning up my music. She won't mind, she has headphones on. This is how we communicate, because, while I'm not sure where our trust stands, our emotion is really low. I'm not sure what form of listening you'd use in low trust/low emotion situations.

Now I am listening to "Skullcrusher Mountain" by Jonathan Coulton, which is such a fun song. I'd better title my post now.

Let me get my notes so I remember what we talked about yesterday.

How long has it been since I updated this thing, anyway? A while. Ugh. Head throbbing.

I have "Response+ABILITY" written in big blue letters, so that is perhaps a good concept. Have the ability to respond.

Anyway, I remember now; we talked about Akido. We stood in a circle and went "Huah! Huah!" while we hoped we didn't hurt anyone (by making them laugh too hard and end up with an aneurysm or something). The gist of the situation was that we should be more Eastern because in the West we're more into using force and it's less effective than using/channeling energy. I'm not going to get into the mechanics like about shoulders and all because I didn't quite get it, but suffice it to say that force you just kind of throw around and hope it'll eventually knock into something (preferrably an obstacle and not an expensive vase or an expensive face) and get it out of your way. Energy, on the other hand, uses more of you than just your shoulder. Your whole body is behind it and you're going through your target, not just into it. It's more momentous.

And then the concept of Akido is demostrated to further emphasize empathic listening (to Muse right now, "Map of the Problematique"--okay, I'll just start listing my music at the bottom of this post, all right.). In this technique, you're approaching the person with a feeling of Utmost Personal Regard. You don't want to get hurt (obviously), and you don't want them to get hurt, what with your Utmost Regard for them and everything, but you're willing to help them get all tired out so they'll be more reasonable. So you keep rephrasing content until they get so worn out venting and so bored with carrying the conversation on all by him or herself while you tell them what they just said... Sorry, I guess it does work, but it's really taking a while for me to accept it. Especially the whole example with the girl getting mad at her boyfriend and asking questions about that girl that he's staring at for four consecutive days, and he's like "So you want to know why..." Uh, yeah. You're quick. But that's not progressing anything, moving anything along except the other person's blood pressure.

Some other things to keep in mind when you're doing this Akido stuff (channeling their energy away from injurious consequences and so forth) is to hold back; restraint in empathic listening is key. It's really tempting sometimes to just jump into the fray and start throwing punches or whatever, but that doesn't succeed in doing anything except giving you things to regret later when things turn out worse and your hindsight is 20/20 and you're like "oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that" but it's too late now, isn't it!! Another thing to do is to anticipate and be on your guard. When people are really angry, that's actually a good sign, because that means they still care. Hatered isn't the opposite of love, apathy/indifference is. Remember that unexpressed feelings never die, they're buried alive, and they come back from the not-dead more intensely than ever, since they've had even more time to build up and fester and otherwise get gross and then comes back in more ways than before because they've had more time to be "creative" in their expression of unhappiness.

Don't worry, I'm almost done and, oh no, I still have to go get my laundry... So I'll make this quick. Don't be intimidated by what's going on. Remember the high personal regard. They are a child of God, and so are you. Remember this, and don't feel like you've got to defend your status. Be willing to sacrifice yourself to their anger; if they're insulting you, don't fight back. Like the way the Anti-Nephi-Lehis responded when the Lamanites came in for the slaughter. If you're humble and don't give them the reaction they're expecting, the fight they're looking for, their heart may be softened; with emotional akido they'll also be getting tired and then whatever upset-ness they have at the end will be toward themselves, but if you're nice about it, and forgiving, they can feel better about everything, too.

"Phantom Of The Opera" - Me First And The Gimmie Gimmies
"Brightly" - Sleeping At Last
"Say The Word" - The Classic Crime
"One More Day With You" - Eisley
"Existentialism On Prom Night" - Straylight Run
"Weapon" - Matthew Good
"Your Guardian Angel" - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"Playing Favorites" - The Starting Line
"Hang Me Up To Dry" - The Cold War Kids
"Dream To Make Believe" - Armor For Sleep
"A Bottle Of Red, A Bottle Of Spite" - Houston Calls
"Goodnight Goodnight" - The Hot Hot Heat