Overheard near some fresh chocolate chip cookies this morning:
"Are you watching what you eat?"
"Yeah, I'm watching it go into my mouth."
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
stay out of jonestown!
We watched "The Secret" on Monday. I couldn't hear anything that was going on, so all I got from it was "Don't drink the Kool-Aid." Also, don't lock your bike up, because doing so means you're thinking about it getting stolen and since you're thinking of it, it'll happen! Obviously, many people in Rexburg only halfway practice "The Secret," because they leave their doors unlocked, but still get stuff stolen.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
"let the dreamer awake and you will see psychosis." - jung
I haven't posted in ages and ages and for that I apologize. And I am not actually really posting anything now because I'm writing an English paper which is due tomorrow, and I had four hours of sleep last night, so this is going to be quite interesting (or not) considering I have difficulty remaining coherent when I am fully alert; it's truly strange to be reading and writing about dreams (currently with an emphasis on Freud) when I feel like I'm going to fall in to one at any moment.
At any rate, I am listening to The Summer Obsession at the Moment ("Death Said") though I'd rather be listening to Sleeping At Last but I'm not because that would probably Give Me The Wrong Idea and I wouldn't be getting anything done. Never mind that I've had like a month to write this paper. Be proactive, that is tonight's lesson.
Amen.
At any rate, I am listening to The Summer Obsession at the Moment ("Death Said") though I'd rather be listening to Sleeping At Last but I'm not because that would probably Give Me The Wrong Idea and I wouldn't be getting anything done. Never mind that I've had like a month to write this paper. Be proactive, that is tonight's lesson.
Amen.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
lucky, lucky, you're so lucky!
Before I read my article about interpersonal conflict, I had a moment of intrapersonal conflict. This is because I'm not in English class right now, where I should be. But I didn't do anything over the weekend, so I'm catching up now, plus I had to clean my room because we've got clean checks tonight and I won't be getting home until late. So now I've got things going on from 10:15 until like nine tonight instead of a 12 hour shift (nine-to-nine). Horray.
Anyway, I read (actually, am reading...) this article called Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication. This article hits on some very good points. For instance, in one of my other classes, we were discussing how conflict really is necessary for relationships to get stronger. Bonds are strengthened by overcoming conflict, by learning how to deal with it. It is the resolution of a conflict, and the means by which that resolution is achieved, that will help determine the success of a relationship.
A main component in dealing with conflict is the way in which it is faced; avoidance is a common thing that people do. It's a form of negative reinforcement. When you avoid what you perceive to be a stressor, your stress level decreases, and as such, you're likely to continue this course of avoidance in the future. This is an awful lot of effort after a while, though, all in order to avoid an action. And like Brother Adams has said, unexpressed feelings never die; they just mutate and pop up again later in uglier ways. Freud and other psychodynamic theorists have said something similar to this, but since this is communication and not psychology and I'm running late as it is, I won't go there. Other people get mad and blame others. This is useless; it's juvenile and gets both parties angry. Others see it as a competition, and this is also not good because they become concerned only with their own success, and measure their success based upon how much "better" than their opposition they believe themselves to be. Other people compromise (the lowest form of win/win) using manipulation, so essentially, they're still saying "my interests are more important than yours."
In order to resolve conflict most effectively, the solution must be reached mutually, people must be able to still feel valued afterward, and both parties should feel they've won, though not in the sense that they've defeated someone else.
There are several techniques defined that can be used in situations of interpersonal conflict, which include empathy and I-Statements. Another technique is called "stroking" wherein you find positive things to say to the other person. I think this can be a powerful tool because not only does the person you're conflicting with feel more respected (and hopefully therefore less defensive), but you begin to view them in a different light, not as your enemy--another child of God.
More later, sorry I've procrastinated.
Anyway, I read (actually, am reading...) this article called Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication. This article hits on some very good points. For instance, in one of my other classes, we were discussing how conflict really is necessary for relationships to get stronger. Bonds are strengthened by overcoming conflict, by learning how to deal with it. It is the resolution of a conflict, and the means by which that resolution is achieved, that will help determine the success of a relationship.
A main component in dealing with conflict is the way in which it is faced; avoidance is a common thing that people do. It's a form of negative reinforcement. When you avoid what you perceive to be a stressor, your stress level decreases, and as such, you're likely to continue this course of avoidance in the future. This is an awful lot of effort after a while, though, all in order to avoid an action. And like Brother Adams has said, unexpressed feelings never die; they just mutate and pop up again later in uglier ways. Freud and other psychodynamic theorists have said something similar to this, but since this is communication and not psychology and I'm running late as it is, I won't go there. Other people get mad and blame others. This is useless; it's juvenile and gets both parties angry. Others see it as a competition, and this is also not good because they become concerned only with their own success, and measure their success based upon how much "better" than their opposition they believe themselves to be. Other people compromise (the lowest form of win/win) using manipulation, so essentially, they're still saying "my interests are more important than yours."
In order to resolve conflict most effectively, the solution must be reached mutually, people must be able to still feel valued afterward, and both parties should feel they've won, though not in the sense that they've defeated someone else.
There are several techniques defined that can be used in situations of interpersonal conflict, which include empathy and I-Statements. Another technique is called "stroking" wherein you find positive things to say to the other person. I think this can be a powerful tool because not only does the person you're conflicting with feel more respected (and hopefully therefore less defensive), but you begin to view them in a different light, not as your enemy--another child of God.
More later, sorry I've procrastinated.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
science is simply common sense at its best; that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.
In fact, it does kind of burn when you lick a Big Red gum wrapper and stick it to your forehead.
Okay, well so far this week we've learned about respect and its role in communication (like we saw in "Dances With Wolves," they had a stick to pass around so people would take turns talking, and when the next person spoke, they would start their "two cents worth" with and instead of but. Because "and" shows that you're taking more of an active listening stance, whereas "but" suggests more of a selective listening mode, and that you're just negating what the person before you said. Also we did some sort of activity about a barking dog and at one point, when I was the observer, I was supposed to do something with X's and O's but I got really confused so I just played tic-tac-toe by myself, which makes it impossible to win or lose, but hey, we're not supposed to be competitive, right?
And then on Wednesday we all ate candy (thanks to whoever brought that) and got Valentine's from Rachel and Elle! Thank you! Even though I personally choose to celebrate Oregon Statehood Day on 14 February, there is nothing quite like Brand Spankin' New Doug valentines to brighten things up even more!! That was such a great show...
We learned that competitiveness isn't a good thing. Isn't it weird how in our society, everyone's goal is to put more distance between themselves and everyone else? What would it be like if people tried to be more unified? Anyway, I was glad to hear this, because I am not at all competitive. Life is less stressful that way, I think.
With the topic of a toxic roomate we were able to discuss a chart with consideration on the x-axis and courage on the y-axis. It shows how the interaction of these two variables results in people's personalities and the outcomes of their dealings with others. I'll just give a brief overview of these four attitudes:
With high courage and low consideration, the individual in question will seek a win/lose outcome and will have an agressive-defensive attitude when conflict arises (or even when it doesn't and they just want to complain about something).
Low courage and high consideration leads to the opposite; this passive defensive person becomes a doormat because they're doing everything they can for other people because they want to be liked.
Actually, I have an experience about what happens if these two behavior patterns continue against each other; I can say from experience that the dominant/demanding person will continue to get more demanding, and in this case I was the doormat and over the course of like two weeks my EBA with this person had a definite deficit as far as I was concerned, and they kept pushing at me and finally there came a time where there was a last straw and things got really really bad--definitely a lose/lose, destructive situation for both of us.
However, if we'd been better at communication, we may have been able to end up in a win/win situation (though it probably would have been compromise, the lowest form of win/win, and I think that would've kept things ending up badly). In retrospect, I think I would have just decided to disengage from interacting with this person altogether, because whatever the issue was was far more reaching because once things were resolved between me and this individual, she started going after one of my friends. It was just really weird.
Another thing we covered was an extended "maturity continuum." On the bottom is codependence, above that is counterdependence, then dependence, then intradependence, then interdependence, which has three degrees of glory in and of itself, the lowest being interdepencence, then above that comes independence (not sure how that works based on what we've learned earlier), and the highest of them all is inter-independence.
I will go into more detail but it's 10:27 p.m. now and I'm sort of bored with this at the moment.
Okay, well so far this week we've learned about respect and its role in communication (like we saw in "Dances With Wolves," they had a stick to pass around so people would take turns talking, and when the next person spoke, they would start their "two cents worth" with and instead of but. Because "and" shows that you're taking more of an active listening stance, whereas "but" suggests more of a selective listening mode, and that you're just negating what the person before you said. Also we did some sort of activity about a barking dog and at one point, when I was the observer, I was supposed to do something with X's and O's but I got really confused so I just played tic-tac-toe by myself, which makes it impossible to win or lose, but hey, we're not supposed to be competitive, right?
And then on Wednesday we all ate candy (thanks to whoever brought that) and got Valentine's from Rachel and Elle! Thank you! Even though I personally choose to celebrate Oregon Statehood Day on 14 February, there is nothing quite like Brand Spankin' New Doug valentines to brighten things up even more!! That was such a great show...
We learned that competitiveness isn't a good thing. Isn't it weird how in our society, everyone's goal is to put more distance between themselves and everyone else? What would it be like if people tried to be more unified? Anyway, I was glad to hear this, because I am not at all competitive. Life is less stressful that way, I think.
With the topic of a toxic roomate we were able to discuss a chart with consideration on the x-axis and courage on the y-axis. It shows how the interaction of these two variables results in people's personalities and the outcomes of their dealings with others. I'll just give a brief overview of these four attitudes:
With high courage and low consideration, the individual in question will seek a win/lose outcome and will have an agressive-defensive attitude when conflict arises (or even when it doesn't and they just want to complain about something).
Low courage and high consideration leads to the opposite; this passive defensive person becomes a doormat because they're doing everything they can for other people because they want to be liked.
Actually, I have an experience about what happens if these two behavior patterns continue against each other; I can say from experience that the dominant/demanding person will continue to get more demanding, and in this case I was the doormat and over the course of like two weeks my EBA with this person had a definite deficit as far as I was concerned, and they kept pushing at me and finally there came a time where there was a last straw and things got really really bad--definitely a lose/lose, destructive situation for both of us.
However, if we'd been better at communication, we may have been able to end up in a win/win situation (though it probably would have been compromise, the lowest form of win/win, and I think that would've kept things ending up badly). In retrospect, I think I would have just decided to disengage from interacting with this person altogether, because whatever the issue was was far more reaching because once things were resolved between me and this individual, she started going after one of my friends. It was just really weird.
Another thing we covered was an extended "maturity continuum." On the bottom is codependence, above that is counterdependence, then dependence, then intradependence, then interdependence, which has three degrees of glory in and of itself, the lowest being interdepencence, then above that comes independence (not sure how that works based on what we've learned earlier), and the highest of them all is inter-independence.
I will go into more detail but it's 10:27 p.m. now and I'm sort of bored with this at the moment.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
polly wanna cracker?
Empathic listening sometimes makes me feel like one of those people in the movies, as mentioned on the site MovieCliches.com.
On the subject of phones, how about variations of the Bob Newhart-style conversation where we only get to hear one side of the conversation, as in: Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet? (PAUSE) And you already called Bill's? (PAUSE) What did he say? (PAUSE) He hasn't seen her either. (PAUSE) So, John's getting nervous? (PAUSE) He's going to call the police...
If I'm not mistaken, the conversation must have gone like this:
"Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet."
"Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet?"
"No, and I've already called Bill's."
"And you already called Bill's?"
"Yes."
"What did he say?"
"He hasn't seen her either."
"He hasn't seen her either."
"John's getting pretty nervous about this."
"So, John's getting nervous?"
"Yes, he's going to call the police."
"He's going to call the police..."
On the subject of phones, how about variations of the Bob Newhart-style conversation where we only get to hear one side of the conversation, as in: Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet? (PAUSE) And you already called Bill's? (PAUSE) What did he say? (PAUSE) He hasn't seen her either. (PAUSE) So, John's getting nervous? (PAUSE) He's going to call the police...
If I'm not mistaken, the conversation must have gone like this:
"Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet."
"Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet?"
"No, and I've already called Bill's."
"And you already called Bill's?"
"Yes."
"What did he say?"
"He hasn't seen her either."
"He hasn't seen her either."
"John's getting pretty nervous about this."
"So, John's getting nervous?"
"Yes, he's going to call the police."
"He's going to call the police..."
isn't enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
I hate Valentine's Day, or more specifically, Valentine's candy, or, actually, any candy, including swedish fish; I need to get into a sugar detox program, STAT, because I don't think I've ever felt this sick.
I am listening to the Arcade Fire right now ["Rebellion (Lies)"]. I think my roomate is singing but whisperingly because all I hear are the "s-es" and the "sh-es" and the "kuhs." So I am turning up my music. She won't mind, she has headphones on. This is how we communicate, because, while I'm not sure where our trust stands, our emotion is really low. I'm not sure what form of listening you'd use in low trust/low emotion situations.
Now I am listening to "Skullcrusher Mountain" by Jonathan Coulton, which is such a fun song. I'd better title my post now.
Let me get my notes so I remember what we talked about yesterday.
How long has it been since I updated this thing, anyway? A while. Ugh. Head throbbing.
I have "Response+ABILITY" written in big blue letters, so that is perhaps a good concept. Have the ability to respond.
Anyway, I remember now; we talked about Akido. We stood in a circle and went "Huah! Huah!" while we hoped we didn't hurt anyone (by making them laugh too hard and end up with an aneurysm or something). The gist of the situation was that we should be more Eastern because in the West we're more into using force and it's less effective than using/channeling energy. I'm not going to get into the mechanics like about shoulders and all because I didn't quite get it, but suffice it to say that force you just kind of throw around and hope it'll eventually knock into something (preferrably an obstacle and not an expensive vase or an expensive face) and get it out of your way. Energy, on the other hand, uses more of you than just your shoulder. Your whole body is behind it and you're going through your target, not just into it. It's more momentous.
And then the concept of Akido is demostrated to further emphasize empathic listening (to Muse right now, "Map of the Problematique"--okay, I'll just start listing my music at the bottom of this post, all right.). In this technique, you're approaching the person with a feeling of Utmost Personal Regard. You don't want to get hurt (obviously), and you don't want them to get hurt, what with your Utmost Regard for them and everything, but you're willing to help them get all tired out so they'll be more reasonable. So you keep rephrasing content until they get so worn out venting and so bored with carrying the conversation on all by him or herself while you tell them what they just said... Sorry, I guess it does work, but it's really taking a while for me to accept it. Especially the whole example with the girl getting mad at her boyfriend and asking questions about that girl that he's staring at for four consecutive days, and he's like "So you want to know why..." Uh, yeah. You're quick. But that's not progressing anything, moving anything along except the other person's blood pressure.
Some other things to keep in mind when you're doing this Akido stuff (channeling their energy away from injurious consequences and so forth) is to hold back; restraint in empathic listening is key. It's really tempting sometimes to just jump into the fray and start throwing punches or whatever, but that doesn't succeed in doing anything except giving you things to regret later when things turn out worse and your hindsight is 20/20 and you're like "oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that" but it's too late now, isn't it!! Another thing to do is to anticipate and be on your guard. When people are really angry, that's actually a good sign, because that means they still care. Hatered isn't the opposite of love, apathy/indifference is. Remember that unexpressed feelings never die, they're buried alive, and they come back from the not-dead more intensely than ever, since they've had even more time to build up and fester and otherwise get gross and then comes back in more ways than before because they've had more time to be "creative" in their expression of unhappiness.
Don't worry, I'm almost done and, oh no, I still have to go get my laundry... So I'll make this quick. Don't be intimidated by what's going on. Remember the high personal regard. They are a child of God, and so are you. Remember this, and don't feel like you've got to defend your status. Be willing to sacrifice yourself to their anger; if they're insulting you, don't fight back. Like the way the Anti-Nephi-Lehis responded when the Lamanites came in for the slaughter. If you're humble and don't give them the reaction they're expecting, the fight they're looking for, their heart may be softened; with emotional akido they'll also be getting tired and then whatever upset-ness they have at the end will be toward themselves, but if you're nice about it, and forgiving, they can feel better about everything, too.
"Phantom Of The Opera" - Me First And The Gimmie Gimmies
"Brightly" - Sleeping At Last
"Say The Word" - The Classic Crime
"One More Day With You" - Eisley
"Existentialism On Prom Night" - Straylight Run
"Weapon" - Matthew Good
"Your Guardian Angel" - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"Playing Favorites" - The Starting Line
"Hang Me Up To Dry" - The Cold War Kids
"Dream To Make Believe" - Armor For Sleep
"A Bottle Of Red, A Bottle Of Spite" - Houston Calls
"Goodnight Goodnight" - The Hot Hot Heat
I am listening to the Arcade Fire right now ["Rebellion (Lies)"]. I think my roomate is singing but whisperingly because all I hear are the "s-es" and the "sh-es" and the "kuhs." So I am turning up my music. She won't mind, she has headphones on. This is how we communicate, because, while I'm not sure where our trust stands, our emotion is really low. I'm not sure what form of listening you'd use in low trust/low emotion situations.
Now I am listening to "Skullcrusher Mountain" by Jonathan Coulton, which is such a fun song. I'd better title my post now.
Let me get my notes so I remember what we talked about yesterday.
How long has it been since I updated this thing, anyway? A while. Ugh. Head throbbing.
I have "Response+ABILITY" written in big blue letters, so that is perhaps a good concept. Have the ability to respond.
Anyway, I remember now; we talked about Akido. We stood in a circle and went "Huah! Huah!" while we hoped we didn't hurt anyone (by making them laugh too hard and end up with an aneurysm or something). The gist of the situation was that we should be more Eastern because in the West we're more into using force and it's less effective than using/channeling energy. I'm not going to get into the mechanics like about shoulders and all because I didn't quite get it, but suffice it to say that force you just kind of throw around and hope it'll eventually knock into something (preferrably an obstacle and not an expensive vase or an expensive face) and get it out of your way. Energy, on the other hand, uses more of you than just your shoulder. Your whole body is behind it and you're going through your target, not just into it. It's more momentous.
And then the concept of Akido is demostrated to further emphasize empathic listening (to Muse right now, "Map of the Problematique"--okay, I'll just start listing my music at the bottom of this post, all right.). In this technique, you're approaching the person with a feeling of Utmost Personal Regard. You don't want to get hurt (obviously), and you don't want them to get hurt, what with your Utmost Regard for them and everything, but you're willing to help them get all tired out so they'll be more reasonable. So you keep rephrasing content until they get so worn out venting and so bored with carrying the conversation on all by him or herself while you tell them what they just said... Sorry, I guess it does work, but it's really taking a while for me to accept it. Especially the whole example with the girl getting mad at her boyfriend and asking questions about that girl that he's staring at for four consecutive days, and he's like "So you want to know why..." Uh, yeah. You're quick. But that's not progressing anything, moving anything along except the other person's blood pressure.
Some other things to keep in mind when you're doing this Akido stuff (channeling their energy away from injurious consequences and so forth) is to hold back; restraint in empathic listening is key. It's really tempting sometimes to just jump into the fray and start throwing punches or whatever, but that doesn't succeed in doing anything except giving you things to regret later when things turn out worse and your hindsight is 20/20 and you're like "oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that" but it's too late now, isn't it!! Another thing to do is to anticipate and be on your guard. When people are really angry, that's actually a good sign, because that means they still care. Hatered isn't the opposite of love, apathy/indifference is. Remember that unexpressed feelings never die, they're buried alive, and they come back from the not-dead more intensely than ever, since they've had even more time to build up and fester and otherwise get gross and then comes back in more ways than before because they've had more time to be "creative" in their expression of unhappiness.
Don't worry, I'm almost done and, oh no, I still have to go get my laundry... So I'll make this quick. Don't be intimidated by what's going on. Remember the high personal regard. They are a child of God, and so are you. Remember this, and don't feel like you've got to defend your status. Be willing to sacrifice yourself to their anger; if they're insulting you, don't fight back. Like the way the Anti-Nephi-Lehis responded when the Lamanites came in for the slaughter. If you're humble and don't give them the reaction they're expecting, the fight they're looking for, their heart may be softened; with emotional akido they'll also be getting tired and then whatever upset-ness they have at the end will be toward themselves, but if you're nice about it, and forgiving, they can feel better about everything, too.
"Phantom Of The Opera" - Me First And The Gimmie Gimmies
"Brightly" - Sleeping At Last
"Say The Word" - The Classic Crime
"One More Day With You" - Eisley
"Existentialism On Prom Night" - Straylight Run
"Weapon" - Matthew Good
"Your Guardian Angel" - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"Playing Favorites" - The Starting Line
"Hang Me Up To Dry" - The Cold War Kids
"Dream To Make Believe" - Armor For Sleep
"A Bottle Of Red, A Bottle Of Spite" - Houston Calls
"Goodnight Goodnight" - The Hot Hot Heat
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